Lavender

I am running to You

arms thrown wide,

chest burning,

lungs screaming for air,

feet pounding the ground like maybe

if I move fast enough

I won’t feel the weight behind me.

Faster.

Faster.

I just want Your arms around me.

Your peace drifts over me like fog,

soft and holy,

a thin white cloud in a dark sky.

Light against shadow.

And I tell myself,

the dark cannot win.

You won’t let it in.

But somehow…

You still feel far away.

So I run.

And I run.

My breath shatters.

My legs give out.

Gravel kisses my knees.

The wind is knocked from my chest

like my body forgot how to live.

I fold into the dirt,

face wet with tears,

hands shaking,

heart loud with pain.

And I see it.

The darkness,

stretching long fingers toward me,

slithering closer,

patient,

certain I’m done.

Around me,

a field of lavender sways

purple waves under a quiet sky,

sweet air that smells like rest,

like healing,

like everything I’m too tired to reach.

I look for You there.

Between the stalks.

In the stillness.

In the calm.

But I can’t find You.

So I stop fighting.

I let the dark spill over my shoulders,

down my back,

into my chest.

Out of breath.

Out of strength.

Out of hope.

And with the last piece of me left,

I lift my eyes.

And I see something then,

a veil.

So thin it trembles in the air.

Barely there.

But glowing.

Mercy.

Love.

Hovering over me like light

that refuses to die.

It looks fragile.

But it does not break.

And somehow…

that thin light

pushes me to my feet.

And my chest cracks open

with a cry I can’t hold back

I want You.

I need You.

I want You.

I need You.

Not pretty.

Not strong.

Just desperate.

So I run again.

Dirt on my skin.

Tears in my eyes.

Heart in my throat.

I run until the world blurs,

until the lavender becomes a purple storm,

until the only thing I see

is Light.

And there

arms open.

Not far.

Not fading.

Right in front of me.

And when I fall into You,

I realize..

You were never ahead of me.

You were around me.

Behind me.

Beneath me.

You were the fog.

The field.

The thin veil.

The strength in my legs.

You were holding me

even when I thought I was alone.

Lavender and tranquility,

not a place I had to reach…

but the proof

I was already surrounded.

And the darkness?

It only chased me

because it could never touch

what was already Yours.